The past few years I have been exploring an Asexual Identity and this has been just as much of an journey as “coming out” ever was—not to mention the fact that I am constantly having to rationalize and advocate my identity to my own community. Most people tend to confuse celibacy with asexuality.
An asexual person can have sex and do all the things that everyone else does and still be asexual and while there are asexuals that are not celibate or that do not have sex there are also asexuals that do. The bottom line is that asexuality is about how a person feels and not what a person does. I can understand how this might be confusing to people especially those people that are wary of the varied ways that people can identify and express themselves but much like a gay man is still a gay man even if he never has sex with other men or how a bisexual person is still bisexual no matter who they may be dating at the time.
And just like any other identity asexuality is on a spectrum where there will be people that have no desire or craving for sexual relationships to people that are only sexual in very specific situations. There is no way that I can fully do this identity justice with one blog post but if anyone is interested in learning more about asexuality please check out the following website: http://www.asexuality.org
And it is almost a cliché in our culture where people believe that all the varied ways that people can express their identity has gone overboard. These people don’t see the purpose in having to learn new terms or they possibly feel threatened by new ideas and concepts. Also, it must be said that for the most part the people feel this way fit comfortably into the boxes provided for society and they do not have to worry that much about feelings of alienation and disconnection that the rest of us deal with every day.
Personally, I think that that we embrace the grey spaces of identity and expression and just because we may not know or may not connect to certain parts of our community does not mean that these communities are any less valid. I know that when I stopped beating myself up for not being able to fit into labels that were too limiting and I started to open my mind and allowed myself to embrace different kinds of expression and identity I felt a lot more secure in myself. But I admit that my journey was extremely slow and I constantly had to deal with internalized societal pressures that told me that I was wrong and that I needed to just “fit in” even if that meant ignoring parts of myself and to me the more allow for opportunities of honest and mindful inclusion the better.
These are just my thoughts I hope everyone is doing well
Leslie Jones is a star of Saturday Night Live. She is a female, black comedian and is also starring in the new all female cast of “Ghostbusters”.
She has recently “been in hell” on her Twitter account. She claimed that Milo Yiannopoulos had been writing scurrilous things about her on his Twitter account and has been encouraging others to Troll her and disseminate hate Tweets toward her. It all began when Milo wrote a scathing review of “Ghostbusters” and the role she plays in it.
Jones implored the CEO of Twitter, Jack Dorsey to banish Milo from Twitter and to ferret out the other Troll accounts that were attacking her.
Milo Yiannopoulos is an OUT staunch Republican and has been quoted as saying that he refers to Donald Trump as “Daddy”. Milo recently held a Gays For Trump Party on Tuesday night in Cleveland. There Was a ‘Gays for Trump’ Party at the RNC and It Was Absolutely Insane
The end of Milo @Milo on Twitter has finally come. Jack Dorsey has “permanently suspended” Milo’s account. Twitter has been blowing up with the hashtag, #FreeMilo. People are either supporting Milo’s free speech rights on Twitter or they are calling him a bully, racist and hate monger.
All this brings up the question of how far can we go on social media before our free speech impinges on other’s rights? How much regulation does Facebook, YouTube and Twitter place on its users in regard to bullying?
We are all aware of the hateful comments that are left on many YouTube comments threads. It can be down-right insulting, disgusting and harmful. Many stories have been written about bullying on social media that has led to, especially LGBTQ persons, being kicked out of homes or even suicide.
Leslie Jones is the latest person to be bullied on Twitter. Her story and struggle has finally brought a celebrity spotlight onto this issue. Milo was banned from Twitter and this may be the impetus for social media outlets to take a much tougher stand on hate-speech, bullying, terrorism and so much more. Is it censorship? Is is infringing on people’s comments and activity on social media? Just remember this rule: if you post a comment on social media, ask yourself if this will cause harm to the other person? Think first, type second, think again.
Many of us in the LGBT community have had life-long friendships. We’ve met friends at an early age and have managed to remain friends for many years.
Sometimes, things change and people change and we need to know when to go our separate ways. Often times, in the beginning of a young friendship, there is so much in common. There is so much that we share. There are people that we hang out together with and enjoy our free time together.
Over time, an LGBT man or woman may remain single and watch as their straight friends get married, have children and build a life together. Their lives are developing in a direction that many of ours diverges with.
We often begin to feel as an after thought. Those we hung out with are now taking kids to soccer practice or going on vacations and finding new friends that share their life in a different way than what we had at one time.
This can happen over a period of time and many of us feel that we have to hang on no matter what. No longer talking to someone or being a part of their lives seems scary and we think that we cannot go on without them. It’s a difficult decision to let go. It’s like a divorce or a death. Sometimes it is final and a clean-cut, but often times it’s a drawn out, slow separation. There’s no need to feel despair. People often have their lives go in different directions. There will be a time of adjustment and sadness and longing for what was, but it can be a chance to move on and develop as a person. It can allow a person to grow and find themselves and find new horizons.
I found myself in this situation recently and came to realize that a relationship and friendship of over 40 years had come to its conclusion. I often felt I had to hang on and try to find myself and my place in this every changing dynamic. I no longer felt a strong connection and that things were floating away.
I felt physically sick and emotionally drained at the thought that this relationship was ending. I had to let go unless I became bitter and antagonistic. It was a shock to my friend and they felt blindsided. I had to explain how I truly felt and that, for me, this was the peace that I had to make in my heart. My friend felt things were just find, but truthfully, I was often discarded and meant to feel ashamed when I didn’t want to participate in uncomfortable situations.
It is a blessing to have people in our lives who love us and only want the best for us in our lives. Sometimes, though, it comes to the point where we have to go our separate ways.
I have always been an avid reader and something that has always nagged me while reading science fiction and fantasy is there does not seem to be a lot of LGBTQIAA++ representation in the genre and if you do happen to find a good story with good representation of say Gay male characters ten-to-one it is written by a female. I am attacking these authors but I am left sometimes wondering where the gay male authors are and why they are not writing these stories for themselves. Do not get me wrong I am sure that these people are out there I just have not found them in the past 30-some years of reading in this genre.
I have found some treasures like Storm Constantine and Lynn Flewelling as well as Ursula Le Guin , J. A. Pitts, Mercedes Lackey who have written what is to my mind strong LGBTQIAA++ characters as well as some good stories. I am aware that a lot of what makes a “strong character” or a “good story” is in the eye of the reader but for the sake of this blog I am basing my statements on my own personal taste where I think that the characters and stories can stand on their own and do not seem to be part of a gimmick or marketing ploy. But even these authors with their engaging stories are for the most part straight authors writing about “alternative sexualities”.
The one author that I think is actually a gay author writing about gay characters is Jes Battis who under the pen name Bailey Cunningham writes the Parallel series which runs the gamut of representation but this series seems to be an outlier.
I am not sure where I am going with this besides the fact that this is something that nags me especially every time I go looking for a new sci fi/ fantasy book to read. If anyone knows of any LGBTQIAA++ sci fi/fantasy books I would love to hear of them. Bonus: if they are actually written by people in our communities and not just straight people who want to write about “alternative sexualities”.