“There is someone out there for everyone and chances are you will find them when you least expect them…”
On the surface this seems like a pretty innocent statement for most folks but this statement is so loaded with assumptions that as Asexual causes me a bit of confusion and quite of bit of stress. The assumptions of the above well-meaning phrase goes something like this:
- You have to “have” someone in order to be “complete” and if you don’t have someone then you have to “look” for them (this for some reason seems to include an inherent need for sexual interaction)
- And even if you do feel like you are “complete” you must still be open to finding that “special” someone (refer to the first point)
I have always found these messages extremely complex and a bit unclear and to tell you the truth I still do not understand these messages even now at the time of writing this. It does seem that for most people who there really isn’t any confusion and if I ask people to explain I tend to get a lot of blank stares or worse they try to explain and I end up even more confused.
First, there seems to be very little separation between sexual interest/attraction and romantic interest/attraction and even when it can be agreed that romance is completely different from sex for most people the lines are still a bit fuzzy.
Secondly, the whole concept of “You will find that person when you stop looking” is extremely confusing to me. I mean the basic assumption is that all people want to “find” someone. But, for me if I actually “stop looking” that means I no longer want to “find” someone. This is probably just a personal quirk most likely stemming from the fact that I was only looking in the first place because of the assumption, “You have to find someone in order to be complete…etc.” and not any real desire on my part. Even now as I just wrote that last statement I felt to need to make qualifications such as “if the right person came along…etc.,” In order to show that I am “open” to finding someone because, it feels like if I am content by myself and not particularly interested in finding that “special someone “especially because of some sexual “need” would mean that I am broken some way.
This stigma of somehow being broken has been one of the greatest hurdles to being comfortable with my identity (the other being the desire not to appropriate the identity of a community because like most people I don’t fit neatly into this identity). But after speaking to other people who feel the same as I do and sharing the same puzzlement and relief of not being “the only one” I am more comfortable embracing an Asexual Identity and I am getting better at not qualifying this identity in order to embody something that I don’t personally believe and I am willing to speak out against this stigma. Asexuality is a real identity and just as valid as being bisexual, or lesbian, or even gay.
Now I am not saying that the original well-meaning statement is wrong or even offensive and in a lot of ways it can come down to “It is the thought that counts” I am just trying to use my own narrative as a just another tool that will hopefully help strengthen our community through mindfulness and respect.
My next installment on this topic will be a brief look at what dating was like for me being not only non-binary (which I have covered before) but more specifically being Asexual.
And if you are reading this and if you think that you might be Asexual –you are not alone and you are most definitely not broken.
your friend Abandon.
The first episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars season 2 has aired and it’s twisted in more ways than one.
Old rivalries are sure to come to the surface. Old alliances will be torn apart.
Ten All Star Queens have been selected and they are: Coco Montrese, Roxxxy Andrews, Alaska , Detox, Ginger Minj, Tatiana, Adore Delano, Katya, Alyssa Edwards and Phi Phi O’Hara. So you think RoLaskaTox will reunite? Don’t hold your tuck honey.
Adore Delano isn’t bringing her usual on stage and music videos persona. Michelle Visage even wonders why Adore chose the look that she did.
Roxxy Andrews has lost weight with a fitness routine and she looks absolutely amahhhhzing.
Detox has the best entrance look.
After meeting the ten Queens, Ru starts things off with “Reading Is Fundamental” and all the Queens read each other. The maxi challenge is a live audience All Star Talent show.
Coco Montrese does an old Hollywood dance routine that neither harkens back to old Hollywood nor is a cohesive dance routine. Roxxxy Andrews does a Burlesque show that would put Gypsy Rose Lee to shame. Alaska sings and brings the live crowd to a frenzy. Detox does a black light neon performance piece that glows gurrrl. Tatiana does a spoken word routine that had the house blowing their minds.
Ok, here comes the twist. Ru announces that she is not eliminating any of the Queens. They are going to send one another home. Ru selects the two highest rated performers and they have to do a lip-sync for their lives to determine the winner of the challenge and who also receives $10,000 dollars CASH. The winner now has to pick one of the three lowest rated Queens to go home. . Roxxxy and Tatiana are selected the top two and Roxxxy wins the $10,000 CASH prize and now must send one of the three lowest scored Queens home. Roxxxy has a hard time with this twist in her panties. She decides to speak individually with the three low score Queens. Emotions run high and I understand how she feels about having to send a beloved friend home. Should she make her decision based on strategy or performance alone?
During the judges critics, Michelle Visage says to Coco (referring to Coco’s makeup color choices), “tonight you went from Doritos to soot”. Everyone’s mouths dropped and Coco looked like she was devastated and speechless.
Michelle then says to Ginger Minj, “I literally couldn’t take my eyes of your vajayjay.” and Ginger MInj replies back, “Thank you”. BRILLIANT.
Well, Phi Phi O’hara, Adore Delano and Coco Montrese are up for elimiination. Roxxxy finally decides on Coco Montrese and Ru tells her to “Sashay Away”. BUT….backstage, Ru appears to Coco on the TV screen and tells her that not all is over and Coco may be returning to get her REVENGE! DA DA DA DAAAAAA!!!!!
It looks like it’s going to be a bumpy ride for the Queens this Season and I plan to be glued to the laptop and in for a hell of a ride.
Many of us work hard during the week and we all have our ways of winding down and relaxing. My favorite way of relaxing after a hard day of work is to watch my favorite shows on the Internet.
Lynn Cullen Live. I don’t know if many of you remember Lynn Cullen. She was a very popular fixture on WTAE-TV and radio. She was a reporter, a feature reporter, a writer and a radio and TV talk show host. These days you can find Lynn doing her own show on YouTube: “Lynn Cullen Live“. Her show is supported by the City Paper.
TYT The Young Turks. TYT is a Progressive Liberal leaning daily talk show that covers not only politics and the current Presidential race, but many current and hard hitting stories. Cenk Uygur was a staple at MSNBC, but was fired and now does his own live daily show and the clips are available on YouTube.
The David Pakman Show/Midweek Politics. David is a liberal YouTube caster that posts current political stories as well as human interest and hard-hitting stories. The David Pakman Show, originally Midweek Politics with David Pakman, is a multi-platform politics and news talk show currently airing on television, radio, and the Internet, hosted by David Pakman. David Pakman is an LGBTQ Ally and often does stories regarding the LGBTQ community.
Difficult People. This is a quirky, witty, sarcastic, Queer, twisted and hilarious show. Difficult People stars Billy Eichner who is better know as the gay guy who runs through Manhattan screaming silly questions at passersby. It also stars Cole Escola, Gabourey Sidibe, Julie Klausner, James Urbaniak and Andrea Martin. This ensemble cast is a little like Seinfeld, a little Arrested Development and a lot of New York.
“The Joe Rogan Experience” is hosted on YouTube by Joe Rogan. Joe was the guy that hosted “Fear Factor”. These days Joe covers a wide spectrum of different subjects. He talks about everything from Gay rights, to Ultimate Fighting to the mysteries of the Universe and even deep philosophical discussions. Joe’s guest are a real eclectic mix of personalities and every show is a great experience.
“The Rubin Report” is hosted by Dave Rubin. Dave is a married gay journalist who started his career on TYT and has broken away and begun his own brand of “Liberal” talk show. Dave has some really fascinating guests on such as Sam Harris, Milo Yiannopoulos and Sarah Haider. Dave covers very interesting topics such as Atheism, feminism, Islamic Radical Terrorism, the Regressive Left and many other topical issues of the day.
“Hey Qween” has got to be my favorite comedy/talk/gossip show on the Internet. Hey Qween is hosted by Jonny McGovern and his sidekick, Lady Red Couture. Jonny interviews all the RuPaul Drag Race winners and contestants as well as such LGBTQ luminaries as RuPaul, Mathu Anderson, Shane Dawson, Alec Mapa,
Sharon Needles, Alaska Thunderfuck, Frank DeCaro, Bruce Villanch, Jake Shears (Scissor Sisters) and Chi Chi LaRue. The sister channel, “Hot T” spills all the latest gossip with Drag co-stars and Julie Goldman and Brandy Howard both from “The Peoples’ Couch” on BravoTV.
What are you favorite shows on the Internet? Thanks for watching!!!
The current Presidential election has really sent some people into a tizzy. I’m a big fan of Facebook and one just has to scroll through their newsfeed and see post after post about the election.
Many people on Facebook and the news media have highlighted how nasty and vicious the Trump campaign is and also the craziness that happens in the Trump rallies. Well, it seems that it has spilled over into social media too.
Many people are taking sides even more adamantly now after the Political conventions. I know some people who have been having a difficult time with family members who are for the opposing candidate than they are. Some people have even stopped talking to family members due to the election. Everyday I see people posting hatred toward other people for not supporting the “correct” candidate. I personally have had Facebook “friends” who are attacking MY friends for their comments on stories that I have posted. They even have gone so far as to say, “why are you even friends with someone who supports Trump?”. Well, I believe that everyone is entitled to their opinions and if someone has to stoop so low as to attack each other on Facebook and other media, then they are very thin skinned and maybe have nothing else to do than attack others.
I often wonder why people have to be so vicious. A starling news story came to my attention today. A “Daily Beast” article writer is in hot water for writing a story about the Olympic athletes who are using GRINDR and Tinder.
Nico Hines of The Daily Beast, a reporter given credentials to cover the games and have access to the athlete’s village, violated this safe environment for many athletes with a recent story, that has since been pulled by The Daily Beast, practically outing athletes who he met through different dating apps like Tinder and Grindr.
The premise of the story, at the very least, was a juvenile and unprofessional approach. Even though he didn’t give names, he did about everything else but to do that to reveal their identities, especially those who choose to remain in the closet. Especially those who need to stay in the closet for fear of repercussion from their country. …he (Nico) was a straight, married guy hoping to make some news and boast his ego, violating everything that goes into the spirit of the Olympics.outsports.com
This is not journalism, but a vicious way to try to out some Gay Olympic Athletes. We already know that there are many, many Gay Olympic athletes participating. Many of them are open and out like Tom Daley, but many are still in the closet. They should feel safe enough to use Apps such as GRINDR or whatever without the fear of some snarky, straight moron who is trying to make a name for himself.
One shiny, bright highlight of the Olympic opening ceremonies was the Tongan flag bearer. Pita Taufatofua was carrying the flag and soon became a viral sensation.
I will leave you with this…